It is with great regret that we announce the tragic passing of Gladys Fullshorts - and her shooting isn't that good either....Boom Boom! Alas Fullshorts has been lured from our maternal basooom by the sinful fleshpots of the Orient. No, not Bangkok - Clapton.

In her short time with Freedom Glads, Fullshorts did her best to add a splash of colour to the otherwise drab Glad team. Yellow cards, red cards, nasty blood injuries and nastier tracksuit trousers all illuminated our previously dark existence and, for a brief time threatened to bankrupt us with disciplinary fines.

We will always remember her for her 100% effort, her marvellous twiddling and fiddling with the ball before losing it and the fact that her limited speed meant she always arrived 'late' in the box ready to pop one in when no one expected it. Well that's what her bird told us anyway.

We would like to thank her for her warm support - it fitted perfectly, and wish her well in her new career. May her and her shiny bra go far. We would also like to acknowledge that this signing finally lays to rest the filthy rumour that Clapton are academic snobs.

But seriously folks, we do still love her and we will miss her badly...

(the 'Crapton' joke borrowed courtesy Gladys Terminator from her unpublished poem to Fullshorts)