Medical miracle Dave Save has long remained a mystery to doctors, surgeons, homeopaths and shaman throughout the land. Physicians have come from far and wide in the hope that they will be the one to solve the Riddle of The Shoulder. Many have apparently done the trick only for their effects to turn out to be temporary. We well remember the initial success of acupuncture, craniolastic osteopopathy, a massive spliff and walking home without stepping on the cracks in the pavement. Now however it seems that the answer has been found in a chance encounter with the immortal.

Yes, in her endless search for a cure Dave travelled to South Coast watering hole and Home of Kenric, Eastbourne. As she wandered through the crowds at the tennis tournament on a sunny day her excited eyes lighted upon Immortal Tennis Legend Martina Navratilova (ITLMN). A primeval urge that dare not speak its name urged her on and she surged forward through the crowd that was forming around ITLMN. At last she reached her side. The crowd was moving fast despite the restrictive creases in their tight denim slacks. ITLMN stumbled, blinded by the glare from so many white starched up collars and items of delicate gold jewellery. As she sought to find her balance Dave bravely offered her stricken shoulder as an anchor. The great one grasped it gratefully but briefly before she was swept away in a miasma of Kouros and Jazz.

Later that evening watching Gladys Syrup fondling the statuary in an expensive Italian restaurant with Gladys' Whipper, Snapper and Pop Tart, Dave reached for the ketchup for her vongole and found that she had reached to the next table! With no pain! She hadn't had a spliff and she had walked on several cracks (her private life is her own business and we aren't going to say anything) so it could only mean that she had been cured by the hand of Martina! To this day Gladwatchers Dave's shoulder has been pain free and hyper-mobile.

Tragically Dave has not been able to enjoy this new found flexibility to the full as she snapped tendons and dislocated her wrist after rashly attempting a breakdancing manoevre at Gladys Guff's fancy dress birthday party. Dressed as John Noakes and inspired by the combination of Gladys Manager (er, manager)'s nubile display of coffee grinding and icy-ice power moves and a few cans of Fosters she took to the floor, tripped over Gladys Pink's sideburns (Peter Purves) and flopped impressively onto her wrist. She was carried from the room protesting that she had 'been good at it when I was ten'. How sad that 30 intervening years of lager tasting and multiple limb knack has robbed her of this shining talent.