Gladys Scissorhands, goalkeeper. Two hands, one wrist, one knee, one shoulder frozen harder than a Siberian puddle in Winter. Freedom Glads' very own medical miracle, she's tastier than Seaman. AKA Dave Save. Since retired to Cornwall but we can't bear to put her on the X page. After all she'll only moan...

Gladys Big Ears, defender. Built like a stick stickhouse and unable to slide tackle, Gladys relies on speed and a flick of her magnificent ears to stop dangerous attacks. Always ready with a right gobful to suit any incident - even when she hasn't actually seen it.

Gladys Pink Triangle, defender. Gladys was recently honoured by the Royal Society of Structural Engineers for the intricate complexities of her match day bra ensemble. Harnessing her magnificent basoom is less complicated than her tangled lurve life however.

Gladys Dutch Cap, everywhere. Gladys is from Holland and often wears a cap, we are unaware of what method of contraception she may use. If she was an action film star from Amsterdam we'd call her "The Tram from 'Dam", but alas, she comes from somewhere unpronouncable in the south.

Gladys Terminator, defender. Gladys believes football is a game of give and take. She gives most of the flesh on her right thigh and takes most of the pitch away in her knickers.

Gladys Love-Supreme, defender. Largest paddler on the raft of love, or so we hear. Apparently being the mother of a young son means you don't have to play as often as you used to. Sort yerself out Gladys.

Gladys Lightbody, midfield. Gladys' mind is often found on a completely different Astral Plane winging around the heavens in her light-body. Contrast this with her earthly body which thunders around the pitch tackling like a combine harvester.